I life/lemons/lemonade moment if there ever was one...

I see your Latte art and raise you a swirling dervish

Way much talent and WAY mucher time equals....

A gingerbread typewriter! 

 

YouTube Challenge - I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble....Race reports #2, 3, & 4

Race #2 was prior to vacation and so all that remains is a vague memory of suffering in Prunedale. Oh, and the fact that my team mate beat me on one of  my own bicycles! That is so low C(l)ass. To my thinking, if you smash your bike the day before in training and your teammate loans you HIS STEVENS for the race, you should at least have the common decency to sit up before the line, right? Well, two days after returning from vacation, I did races #3 and #4, 90 minutes apart. What made me think that this was a good idea is still under investigation. Earlier findings indicate a screw loose. The course was typical Candlestick; fast, dry, bumpy and technical. Anyway, I managed to pulled off the double, racing the SS race in at 9:40 and the 45+ race at 12:30.  Don't let that photo fool you (thanks Jon). I'm only smiling because Cass had just farted.... and the race hadn't started yet. I felt pretty ok during the SS race. I let 7th place slip through my fingers, but was pretty satisfied with 8th. There was a decent gap, maybe 30 seconds, to Chris in 6th place. Nice jobs Chris. Next time don't fall down so much;-) I ran a 60in gear and was completely spun out on the long straight. I should have run a 63, but I'm not sure I could have survived it. I really had pretty modest goals for the 45+ race. Stay on the lead lap. It was harder than I thought. Coats, Mundelius and Myrah decided to race a minute ahead in the 35+ race. Heck, it's hard enough to stay lead lap when they race age appropriate! The first 3 laps felt ok. I started at the back with Hans so that I could get my butt on camera as much as possible and was actually passing more folks than not. This was to be short lived. Lap 4 hurt. Lap 5 really hurt. The remaining 43 laps were a complete blurr. Whining aside, I acheived my goal finishing 21st, losing most of my places in the last two laps. I think top 15 on fresh legs. The folks running the BASP series really upped their game a notch this year with a fly-over, totally PRO race numbers and a remote fly-cam. The ML3RDL tent was in full swing with the team posting a couple of 1sts, a 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 8th....well, alot! Sadly, the cross gods required their sacrifce and both Max and Janie offered up flesh. Heal up and see y'ins next week.

Steve Jobs. RIP

“When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.”
― Jonathan Swift

In the Bag. 2011 race #1

SS CX rule # 12. If the gear feels good in warm-up, it's too big.
SS CX rule #33. Get that F-ing 18t cog back that you loaned to your teammate BEFORE you go to the race.

Raced SS at Lion of Fairfax on Saturday. It always feels good to get that first one outta the way. I wasn't 100% due to that mid Sept. cold so when faced with either a 64 or a 54 inch gear, I chose the latter (A 60 would have been perfect in retrospect ). I was woefully undergeared on the front half of the course, but was drilling it on the slow rooted climb....and no cramping. I ignored the "Go Hampster Go" cat calls through the start finish and told myself I had made the right choice. I finished mid-pack without having to go too deep. That's not to say I didnt' suffer. I made some big efforts to reel in a friend of mine over the first few laps, but I paid the price and was hurting as I came through the start/finish. When I looked up to see "5 to go" on the lap cards, I was sure they had made a mistake. When they showed "4 to go" one lap, later, I realized it was no mistake and almost headed to the car. Not sure how I hung on for 4 more laps, but I'm happy with the result considering I"m about 3 weeks behind schedule fitness wise.

Side note: checked out Tim C's latest incarnation of his hydraulic setup. It's pretty damn sweet. Fantastic modulation with a single finger. CX discs are definitely in my future. Hurry up Shimano/Sram/Sacha!

If the shoe fits...

My friend Schultzie said this reminded him of me. I can't understand why ;-)

Hilarious+Sad+Hilarious+Sad=UrbanBaby

Heavens to Murgatroid! I was reading this pretty decent NYT article about failure and success when I made the mistake of clicking through to UrbanBaby. It's entertaining in that tabloid sort of way. Funny for about 10 seconds, then just sad. Do yourself a favor and dont click through....

I train during my lunch hour. I don't want to train at lunch. I'd rather go to Vik's. I'd rather ride after work. I'd rather come home late and eat dinner on the sofa with my legs up. But such is not my life, so I ride at lunch. Almost without fail, someone will ask as I stink my way back to my office if I had a nice ride. I use to say "Yes". I would tell them what they expected to hear. I use to lie. My rides are never nice. I don't have the hours for 'nice'. Mine are invariably some form of 'ugly'. They range from slightly off-putting to down right Rob Zombie. As a result, my co-workers will no longer ride with me. So I'm alone in my misery, talkin' crazy talk to no one. But at least I no longer lie...except to myself ;-)

It must be my birthday!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. The 15c rides again! I'm such a loser.

mini sabbatical

Since I'm the only one that reads my blog, I want to apologize to myself for the lazy pic posts of late. It's all I've had time for...Last season started strong (again) and ended abruptly (again). I really didn't feel like revisiting many races. Ok. I will post something about the Michigan race soon as I plan on hanging the entire 2010/2011 season on that single result. This seaon, it's happening again, albeit a  month sooner, so there is hope.
Anyone see a pattern? Maybe it's just a perfect storm of peak fitness meets the beginning of the school year. I'm most vunerable to vectors just as the number of them I'm exposed to increases by an orders of magnitude.
I wish I could blame the kids. Wait. I can. Damn Kids.

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

I'm not worried about America's youth, nope, not worried one bit.

I need one of these installed at work...

IMG_0492.JPG, originally uploaded by crankles.

Narrowing the Choices

As you can see from the removed pink post-its, the number of potential candidates has been greatly reduced. Whew.
IMG_0517.JPG, originally uploaded by crankles.

Public service announcement.

Christmas time in Portland

You can thank me later!

Fantasy life.

Me and the Dude

This pretty much sums me up right now....minus the white russian. Dude 1, Me 0.

Merritt College whiners dig this....

Pretty certain this was a Velopromo race.

Zimoun via Morgan.

Zimoun : Sound Sculptures & Installations | Compilation Video V2.0 from ZIMOUN VIDEO ARCHIVE on Vimeo.

Toast Jam!

3 batches of Bing, 2 batches of Sour Cherry, and 3 batches of Olallie! To the untrained eye, that looks like a lot of jam, but trust me, it's barely enough. Oh, and the maslin pan changed my life (as much as a pan can do such a thing).

I have tears in my eyes...

P1000593, originally uploaded by jknotzke.

such a beautiful thing

Wanna play "Go Fish" or "Run Commrade Run! it's a Yperite Attack!"

I'm not really sure what the objectives of this or some of the other games are, but I'm pretty sure they are probably nothing like Candy Land. Pat, little help?

Sometimes...

...riding is just not that fun. Period.

!nice ride.

Pictured is what I'd call a 'Nice Ride', a '55 Bel Air Wagon. It was parked at my local Safeway yesterday. Doubtful if that was a stock color, but jeet sweesus, who cares! Doesn't' it just cry out to be the new Speedvagen Team car?

What I do at lunch is not, however, is not a nice ride. Ya see, I train during my lunch hour. I don't want to train at lunch. I'd rather go to Vik's. I'd rather ride after work. I'd rather come home late and eat dinner on the sofa with my legs up. But such is not my life, so I ride at lunch. Almost without fail, someone will ask as I stink my way back to my office if I had a nice ride. I use to say "Yes". I would tell them what they expected to hear. I use to lie. My rides are never nice. I don't have the hours for 'nice'. Mine are invariably some form of 'ugly'. They range from slightly off-putting to down right Rob Zombie. As a result, my co-workers will no longer ride with me. So I'm alone in my misery, talkin' crazy talk to no one. But I no longer lie.

Here Kitty Kitty!

Last year I got bupkis. This year I got's Boozleys and a small child and that was for 4th place! Ya see, once cross season ends, there's not much to motivate in the off-season. I usually schedule some idiocy mid-year just to give myself something at which to throw darts. Enter the East Bay Rally Cat. My favoritest "race" of that other season. Why is it so great you ask? Do tell.

Great Location? 5 miles from my house!
Great Course? Check!
Great Promoter? Got it!
Great Prizes? Did I mention pickles and kids?
HUGE Purse? BANG!
Great after-party? Yeppers!
Great crowd? in Spades!
Even an illustrious dignitary and PuddinPie!
oh, and entry fee was a fin!

This year was the 2nd annual. 86 bandits. Gone were the unmanned checkpoints, but an ad hoc route between checkpoints 3 & 4 was added. This would prove to be my Flutie. For those unfamiliar (mainly my sisters, the only ones who read this rag), an alley cat is to formal bike racing what a hash run is to the Olympic 10k. You're given a map (Sorry Mary, no ham sandwiches) with checkpoints and sent on your way to navigate a route somewhat of your choosing, collecting stamps along the way. Hopefully you arrive back safely at the keg, er finish line. There are no race numbers, no team tents, no PA system, no race officials. Go Hard, have fun, don't get run over. That's about it. There is always much discussion before the start as to the best routes, the subtle difference between cheating and being cheeky, and how to pull a Rosie Ruiz without getting caught. Successful execution of the latter at this type of event is to be lauded. And while a party atmosphere abounds, the race can be anything but a picnic if you so choose. This year again sent us straight up Tunnel Rd (a 4+ mile climb) and again the pace was brutal. Krishna, Kea, Jon (you bastard), James and a few other nutjobs (Fred?) were killin' it at the front. I clung about 20 meters back. I tried to go with Mark as he bridged up to the lead of 5 or 6 and paid dearly. I backed off, got passed by a few, regrouped, passed a few back, and hit the first checkpoint in about 9th place, maybe a minute back of the leaders. What followed was the crazed mud slick decent in Sibley. I completely forgot how to go downhill, got passed by Murphy, Blake and probably a few others, but passed Murphy back on the butt-steep climb to the water tower (another 2 mile buster where the 1st mile averages 9.5%) . I could see a few other riders strung out on the ridge, but the leaders were now all but gone. At the trail turn off to the tower, I saw a few heading up the ridge, missing the split. "HEY, YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY", I whispered. There, I tried. Once past the water tower, I tip-toed down Pinehurst and settled into tempo trying to save something for the final 6+ mile climb to the third checkpoint. I knew Adam had passed Murphy as well up to the tower so he couldn't be far back. I looked to see him at about 300 meters. I sat up a tad, waiting for the catch so we could work together along the false flats. A minute later, as I looked to check on his progress, a freight train come barreling past. HOLY CRAP! Adam AND Murphy had latched onto some HOSS of a roadie who was driving the pace Hard. I jumped HAAARDerrrr and barely become the caboose as we steamed at 28MPH through the rollers. Didn't have to take a single pull. It was worth it. I was one very Happy Noodle. At the base of south Pinehurst, no one pushed it. We all knew what was coming...the self mortification that is Eastridge trail. Once there, Murphy poured it on and took off. Mercifully, the climb wasn't the wet clay mess of last year so my choice of file treads made me look like Wile E. Coyote. Adam and I yo-yo'ed a bit as two young upstarts had the nerve to catch AND pass us (and Murphy as well). Adam dropped off the pace as I tried in vain to keep those three in site. I was also cramping bad and there was something in my jersey pocket pressing like a rock on my lower back bugging the heck outta me! What the hell was that thing?! Oh Jeet Sweebus. A water bottle. Yeah, now I remember. I'm suppose to be drinking that. Somehow, four of us regroup at Skyline Gate. Click the link. See. Don't I just look daisy fresh. I'm now running 13th. If you remember, it was from this point on that you were on your own. Anyway you could get to checkpoint 4 was fair game. If you followed the map, you were in for another 3+ miles of rolling trails and some hairball decsents. I had no intention of doing any such thing (like last year). I hopped on to Skyline with Murphy and the two youngsters in tow. As we rode along, I was wondering if they were thinking what I was thinking...bust it down Castle and come at the cabin from the opposite direction? Only one way to find out...play dead. I was looking the part anyway. As we approached Moongate, I upped the tempo, took a pull , then faded to the back as we rounded the bend. They held the pace and I faded a bit more. As they swept left, passing the point of no return, I grabbed a handful of binder and dropped it hard right down the descent. A quick look back...Nada! MUWAHAHA! I flew down as fast as I dare, not wanting to miss the unmarked exit of the trail. There it was...with lots of fresh tracks to boot. No sooner had I headed in when Krishna and Kea came flying out...a few seconds later and here came Jeff, Matthias, Mark and a few of the others from the original lead group. So I wasn't the only one with this tidbit of knowledge. I stormed to the cabin trail, stashed the bike, ran down, got the stamp and scrambled back up. I flew back out and rode the last miles to the lake solo, 9th overall! But wait, what,s this...Mark and Jeff had missed the water tower, which put me 7th! Matthias, Kea and some other freak of nature were on SS cross rigs and in a category of their own. That put me 4th in the gear afflicted! Be still my heart! Was I in the "money". Was there enough schwag to go that deep. I decided to use the Force. "You do not want the Bread&Butter pickles". "They will only aggrivate your diverticulitis". "That De La Paz Coffee smells sooo good". Sunshine, CX, Pickles, Family, A very good day. Tip hats to Evan and Jason. Thanks Everyone for the photos.

Check out the streams.

Jon flickr set
Jenny flickr set
hotMARK Flickr set

p.s. PuddinPie, I really didn't want to go that hard. Jon made me.

I've been waiting for this my WHOLE life!

Crappy.

We're sitting outside the Majestic just a few doors down from the Plaza...drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, shootin' shine. Nothing much. The movie has just let out. Frankie says, in almost a whisper, "Isn't that Alie?"I turn and look. I see her. She's holding his hand. She looks happy. I realize she looks happier than I've ever seen her...with me that is. She sees me seeing her and the expression changes to one of profound sadness. No, not sadness, pity. Profound pity, as if to say "Awe Gee, I really didn't mean for you to find out this way." The silence at the table is glacial. "That's cold" someone finally says. I'm not sure who said it. I no longer recognize the voices of my own friends. I'm too numb to notice.

While supplies last!

Total War

Saw a specialist yesterday. He took a look at the CT, looked at the previous med courses and decided on the William Tecumseh Sherman approach. Took me off the Moxifloxacin, put me on a 21 day run of Augmentin (basically the amoxycillin I was on but with an added beta-lactamase inhibitor...damn those pesky beta-lactams) and a 10 day run of prednisone (yikes!). He compared the nasal steroid I was on to "pissing in the ocean" compared to the prednisone. That's her in the picture. She is one mean looking lady. Careful, there's a brick in her purse.

Mr Know-it-all.

I've glued hundreds of tires over the years and have perfected my system simply from making almost as many mistakes. I've pretty much got it dialed now though, or so I thought. Zank's post is the best compendium I've seen to date. I even picked up a new trick re: the srynges. I was gluing tires a few weeks back thinking there had to be a better way...and Shazaam! Thanks Zank. I'm also feeling a bit smuggish, as I've been taping cross tires going on 6-7 yrs now! Pthfffft!

post scriptum. I'll repost many of the pics and much of the text shortly for those of you who don't have/want to join velocipede salon.

Honey, bring me my gun. Bring me my biggest gun!

Well, it's not really the biggest gun, but it's pretty big. After developing the symptoms AGAIN, the Doc ordered a CT scan. The bad news is that I have bilateral sinusitis. The good news is that I have bilateral sinusitis, so least they know what they're treating. That makes three bouts in 4 months. Actually, it probably never went away. Two 1o day runs of Amoxicillin weren't enough. So now I'm on Moxifloxacin. That's her in the picture. Pretty hot as far as small molecules go don't you think? Just look at how that cyclopropyl group dangles so tantalizingly off the quinolone. Toooo sexy. Anyway, it's a big time broad-spectrum antibacterial, strong enough to kill almost any bug w/in a 10 foot radius. It make me feel pretty nauseous in the 1st hour, but I'll deal if it will clear this up. I'm also headed to a specialist tomorrow to see why it might be recurring. Hey, I'll take any excuse I can get to explain away this past cross season.

S'over.

I raced one last time. I thought I had gotten a little fitness back. Well, I did, but it was very little. Not enough to match what others already had. Not even close. That was a real hard pill. While it may look like I had fun, I did not. It was not the storybook ending to the season I had envisioned. I couldn't salvage jack the latter part of the it despite what I thought was a decent effort. Instead, in my final attempt to get a point or two, I flatted, cutting the sidewall of an FMB, pitted, gutted out a half lap on the SS, pitted back to the gearie, flatted again, ran 1/2 a lap, pitted, puked it on the SS for another half a lap, and pitted again to finish on the gearie. Thanks to my KPTO mates for the wheels changes. I owe you each a sock in the nose. Couldn't you have just let me die in peace. All I know is, someone had it worse than me as I wasn't DFL. I destroyed more equipement and pitted more times this season that I have in the last 4 combined. I batted one for three on season goals. .333 in baseball gets you signed. In my line of work it gets you fired. At first, I was pretty down in the dumps about the whole mess. When I was finally getting better, someone asked how my season was going and I said "disasterous". That's plain silly. Truth is, I'm lucky to still be racing at all. Thanks to my family for all the support. It matters. A lot.

Where's the ketchup at!

I've been slackin'. If you don't already visit these sites, they're worth checking out. I've been meaning to add them for months. Pave. Good Commentary (but black backgrounds make me carsick),
Velogogo. Pretty Pictures,
Cyclocosm. More good commentary,
Emrocation. What he just said.
Now go waste more time.

Making amends.

I hope this will purge the last post from your brain, A tall order for sure.

DEAR GOD!

I almost want to apologize for posting this...please dont' ask how I found it.

Worst....Band....EVR!

But they are so damn cute I bet they go platinum.

Science always has an answer!

But sometimes it's just not the answer we want.

Why I Don't Have a Girlfriend.

Race report #10. It gets worse!

In a lame attempt to salvage this season, I chose to train too hard, race the wrong tires (see pic), and choose the wrong gear again. File treads? What was I smokin'?!?!?! 42x17? I must be insane.

Race Report #9. Bah! Humbug!

Grrr. Felt like crap. Picked the wrong gear. suffered mightily.
This season sux!

Cyclocross. Something for everyone.

This either needs no explanation or one that is longer than I'm prepared to give...

Cyclocross Fixie from Baylor Blessing on Vimeo.

Thanks Baylor Blessing.

HOLY MOLY!

So what if you crossed the the Andrew sisters with Cirque de Soleil? I think you might get the Ross sisters! Jebus!

Artitst Johannes Vogl. Enjoy!

Bicycles parts and hairspray = Wonderful Mosquito Abatement.



















Fishing Pole + kite.

Christmas isn't over until the tree is in orbit.

I'm so glad I forgot to set the tree out by the curb today!

Nice.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.

DING! We have a winner!

You can watch the original here...but why bother.

ME NEED!

My favorite jersey use to be this one, but now there's a new kit in town. Share the damn road...please.

I feel your pain...

I felt like doing this soo many times, but with not nearly such nice crap! Hurry and clickety-click before it gets pulled.

Here's the description:

Cyclocross Nationals Gear. Everything must go!	Item number: 330386088555
Start position and gear for

Description

2009 Bend Oregon Cyclocross Nationals Epuipment:

I can hardly believe all of this stuff fit in my car.

My loss is your gain. I am selling everything I own that involves cyclocross. I had the car packed and was headed to Bend for cyclocross nationals. The weather report and course conditions sounded brutal. I searched deep into my soul, and I have become too soft to be a real cross racer. This sport has broken my heart and crushed my dreams for the last time. Everything must go. Everything is included. If you win this auction you will have everything you will ever need to race cyclocross, and look like a complete pro. I have decided that I enjoy buying cyclocross stuff more than racing it. So do me a favor and buy it all. Unfortunately for me I will probably buy most of it back piece by piece on Ebay later this summer when my mental stability and optimism return.

The first 2 items you get are priceless. I am selling a front row call-up to the master’s 30-34 race. Last time I checked….. I think I have the #1 call-up and it is yours. Yes, you will be #1 for at least a few seconds. Front damn row! I do not have the skills to ride ice or snow so to be honest I have no business toeing the line. It is all yours. I have spent thousands of dollars chasing top 10 results at nationals, and now you can line up front row for a fraction of what I have invested. Gallons of sweat and thousands of miles ridden were the price for that front row. It is all yours. You won’t have any excuse. If you don’t win you will have to look in the mirror and say you suck. I can’t deal with that. You can have my demons. Just think…….You won’t have to show up early to the start. Actually, I would show up late just to walk through the 100+ racers who have to start behind you. Be sure to enjoy that moment. It will be the only fun you will have during the next 60 minutes. You will also get a UCI call-up for the ELITE race on Sunday. It won’t be anywhere near the front row, I sort of suck…….. but you can pretend with the other semi-elite, self sponsored, wanna-be, never was, not really elite racers that you stand a chance of not getting lapped by Page and Trebon. I will drive to BEND and pick up my numbers and pin them to your 2 NEW skin suits. Yes, you get 2 long sleeve skin-suits. These are super snug and show off your junk quite well. Each come with matching gloves, helmets, shoes, socks, and undergarments to keep you warm. You will look bad-ass I promise. One even has fake abdominals, so you can stop doing your core. Fire your coach now. You have made it to the big time. I also have 2 cans of instant tanning spray. You need a good tan if you want to look super ripped and fast.

Did I mention you get 3 bikes. Yes, I was so obsessed that I bought 3 cross bikes. All 3 are S-Works with full Dura-Ace, XTR, Paul’s brakes, tubular tires, etc. All 3 will get you a profile on PLUS ONE LAP for being sub 17 pounds. You will be the envy of weight weenies everywhere. You can Pre-ride on 1 bike and keep the other 2 clean as new. Did I mention you get wheels. Tons of wheels. I have no idea how many sets I have. I have every Tubular tire made. Dugast, Grifo, File tread, Fango, ETC…. The list goes on……. I have been searching for the best tire set-up for years so I just bought them all. I am including my hand-held electric inflator. If you don’t have one of these you will be blown away. Why pump when you can just pull the trigger? People will stop in the parking lot just to admire your bad ass pump. Now remember you get 5-6 sets of tubulars glued up by a complete Belgian ninja glue master. THEY will not roll. 3 sets of clinchers and 20 clincher tires. I have the old vintage GREEN Michelin’s, I have studded (you will want to try these), fat 29r’s, and every other tire you can imagine. I have searched the globe for a tire that can allow me to corner. Obviously I have not found the correct tire or I would be coming to Bend. The 3^rd bike has a Power-tap and SRM on it. You need both to be sure your power numbers are accurate. I have some training plans I will include, but none will prepare you ride ice and snow. Training is futile for racing on ice. You either have the skills or you don’t. You will also get my trainer so you can get a good warm-up. I have covered the drum on it with gravel so it feels like a cross course. My IPOD is included. With a set of Warm-up songs that will make you feel like ROCKY. No joke...you will feel the beat and won't be able to imagine defeat. I even have some motivational tracks from Tony Robbin’s. “you are a champion!” Say it with me….Believe it. DO it. Dream big or go home.

Remember when you bid that is cross stuff. If you are scared of dents, scuffs, dirt, then don't bid. I rarely wash anything. Most of my Kits and Skin-Suits are clean...but not sterile. My bikes are solid but have been ridden hard. I have 2 dozen PowerGels, a partially full tube of shammy cream, 3 dirty cycling bottles........6 kits for all of your pre-riding. They all match and a few are retro. So if you choose to warm up before the single cog race you will you blend in. All kits have matching gloves, socks, hats, and vests. 99% of cycling is looking cool, and you are going to look like a rock star. I am including what is left of my ENDUROX CHOCLATE recovery drink. About 1/3 of the can is left. This stuff will make you fart like mad, but if you mix it with some milk and coffee it tastes like Starbucks. I have 3 pairs of shoes and 10 pairs of wool socks. Some are short socks and some are super long. You decide what makes you look the coolest. One pair of yellow shoes just so you can look like TJ and POWERS of Cyclocross World. Yellow is the new Black. They were actually black, but I bought some spray paint and gave them a quick paint to make them waterproof. I am throwing in my UCI license that has 8 coveted UCI points on it. Why earn the points when you can buy them. I have a cool Wool jersey you can wear after the race so you blend in perfectly with the screaming crowd. You don’t have to scream too loud because I am including my cow-bell also. Not only do I want you to look like a bad ass racer, I want you also to be equipped to be the SUPER FAN. I can hardly ring the bell now without tears. I am passing the torch. Cross is dead to me. Tons of extras will be thrown in. I will include several *user names and passwords to chat rooms that discuss cyclo-cross. You will blend in like a pro. I have many posts that make me sound fast. It will be easier to draft behind my super cycling intellect than to create your own.

The last items I am including are a National Champion Skin-suit and a bottle of Champagne. I stole the national champion skin-suit from my wife. Sometimes when no one is home I drink a few beers and slip on her skin-suit and stare in the mirror for hours just to feel special. Just pull on the skin-suit and walk around the cyclocross venue in BEND drinking large gulps of cheap Champagne. I promise by the time you finish the entire bottle you will feel like a winner and probably convince yourself to come back next year and race again. Most of the spectators will congratulate you like you’re Katie Compton or Ryan Trebon.

Good luck and Happy Bidding.