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| Cyclocross Nationals Gear. Everything must go! | Item number: 330386088555 |
| Start position and gear for | |
My loss is your gain. I am selling everything I own that involves cyclocross. I had the car packed and was headed to Bend for cyclocross nationals. The weather report and course conditions sounded brutal. I searched deep into my soul, and I have become too soft to be a real cross racer. This sport has broken my heart and crushed my dreams for the last time. Everything must go. Everything is included. If you win this auction you will have everything you will ever need to race cyclocross, and look like a complete pro. I have decided that I enjoy buying cyclocross stuff more than racing it. So do me a favor and buy it all. Unfortunately for me I will probably buy most of it back piece by piece on Ebay later this summer when my mental stability and optimism return.
The first 2 items you get are priceless. I am selling a front row call-up to the master’s 30-34 race. Last time I checked….. I think I have the #1 call-up and it is yours. Yes, you will be #1 for at least a few seconds. Front damn row! I do not have the skills to ride ice or snow so to be honest I have no business toeing the line. It is all yours. I have spent thousands of dollars chasing top 10 results at nationals, and now you can line up front row for a fraction of what I have invested. Gallons of sweat and thousands of miles ridden were the price for that front row. It is all yours. You won’t have any excuse. If you don’t win you will have to look in the mirror and say you suck. I can’t deal with that. You can have my demons. Just think…….You won’t have to show up early to the start. Actually, I would show up late just to walk through the 100+ racers who have to start behind you. Be sure to enjoy that moment. It will be the only fun you will have during the next 60 minutes. You will also get a UCI call-up for the ELITE race on Sunday. It won’t be anywhere near the front row, I sort of suck…….. but you can pretend with the other semi-elite, self sponsored, wanna-be, never was, not really elite racers that you stand a chance of not getting lapped by Page and Trebon. I will drive to BEND and pick up my numbers and pin them to your 2 NEW skin suits. Yes, you get 2 long sleeve skin-suits. These are super snug and show off your junk quite well. Each come with matching gloves, helmets, shoes, socks, and undergarments to keep you warm. You will look bad-ass I promise. One even has fake abdominals, so you can stop doing your core. Fire your coach now. You have made it to the big time. I also have 2 cans of instant tanning spray. You need a good tan if you want to look super ripped and fast.
Did I mention you get 3 bikes. Yes, I was so obsessed that I bought 3 cross bikes. All 3 are S-Works with full Dura-Ace, XTR, Paul’s brakes, tubular tires, etc. All 3 will get you a profile on PLUS ONE LAP for being sub 17 pounds. You will be the envy of weight weenies everywhere. You can Pre-ride on 1 bike and keep the other 2 clean as new. Did I mention you get wheels. Tons of wheels. I have no idea how many sets I have. I have every Tubular tire made. Dugast, Grifo, File tread, Fango, ETC…. The list goes on……. I have been searching for the best tire set-up for years so I just bought them all. I am including my hand-held electric inflator. If you don’t have one of these you will be blown away. Why pump when you can just pull the trigger? People will stop in the parking lot just to admire your bad ass pump. Now remember you get 5-6 sets of tubulars glued up by a complete Belgian ninja glue master. THEY will not roll. 3 sets of clinchers and 20 clincher tires. I have the old vintage GREEN Michelin’s, I have studded (you will want to try these), fat 29r’s, and every other tire you can imagine. I have searched the globe for a tire that can allow me to corner. Obviously I have not found the correct tire or I would be coming to Bend. The 3rd bike has a Power-tap and SRM on it. You need both to be sure your power numbers are accurate. I have some training plans I will include, but none will prepare you ride ice and snow. Training is futile for racing on ice. You either have the skills or you don’t. You will also get my trainer so you can get a good warm-up. I have covered the drum on it with gravel so it feels like a cross course. My IPOD is included. With a set of Warm-up songs that will make you feel like ROCKY. No joke...you will feel the beat and won't be able to imagine defeat. I even have some motivational tracks from Tony Robbin’s. “you are a champion!” Say it with me….Believe it. DO it. Dream big or go home.
Remember when you bid that is cross stuff. If you are scared of dents, scuffs, dirt, then don't bid. I rarely wash anything. Most of my Kits and Skin-Suits are clean...but not sterile. My bikes are solid but have been ridden hard. I have 2 dozen PowerGels, a partially full tube of shammy cream, 3 dirty cycling bottles........6 kits for all of your pre-riding. They all match and a few are retro. So if you choose to warm up before the single cog race you will you blend in. All kits have matching gloves, socks, hats, and vests. 99% of cycling is looking cool, and you are going to look like a rock star. I am including what is left of my ENDUROX CHOCLATE recovery drink. About 1/3 of the can is left. This stuff will make you fart like mad, but if you mix it with some milk and coffee it tastes like Starbucks. I have 3 pairs of shoes and 10 pairs of wool socks. Some are short socks and some are super long. You decide what makes you look the coolest. One pair of yellow shoes just so you can look like TJ and POWERS of Cyclocross World. Yellow is the new Black. They were actually black, but I bought some spray paint and gave them a quick paint to make them waterproof. I am throwing in my UCI license that has 8 coveted UCI points on it. Why earn the points when you can buy them. I have a cool Wool jersey you can wear after the race so you blend in perfectly with the screaming crowd. You don’t have to scream too loud because I am including my cow-bell also. Not only do I want you to look like a bad ass racer, I want you also to be equipped to be the SUPER FAN. I can hardly ring the bell now without tears. I am passing the torch. Cross is dead to me. Tons of extras will be thrown in. I will include several *user names and passwords to chat rooms that discuss cyclo-cross. You will blend in like a pro. I have many posts that make me sound fast. It will be easier to draft behind my super cycling intellect than to create your own.
The last items I am including are a National Champion Skin-suit and a bottle of Champagne. I stole the national champion skin-suit from my wife. Sometimes when no one is home I drink a few beers and slip on her skin-suit and stare in the mirror for hours just to feel special. Just pull on the skin-suit and walk around the cyclocross venue in BEND drinking large gulps of cheap Champagne. I promise by the time you finish the entire bottle you will feel like a winner and probably convince yourself to come back next year and race again. Most of the spectators will congratulate you like you’re Katie Compton or Ryan Trebon.
Good luck and Happy Bidding.
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